Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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