i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
