people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
