if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
