remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
