Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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