he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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