12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
