3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
How does it feel to date your dad?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
