i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
