He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my being single is dangerous.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
