just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
