The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
