Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
