He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
