I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
