he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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