im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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