Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
