Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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