You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize