It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just forgot I was standing up.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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