My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
