Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
