So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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