I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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