This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
