U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
