if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
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