Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
