she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
