it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
