I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize