how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
