why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
