She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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