Buhtt sex?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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