why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
