He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
