Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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