They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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