oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
