I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
