He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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