I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
