he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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