i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
