I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
