dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
