she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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