just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
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