Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
