Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
