Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
