There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
