Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
