bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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