Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
