I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
