Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
