you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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