I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
