sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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