I have demons in me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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