Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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