I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
