operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
