I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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