Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
