Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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