i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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