My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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