im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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