i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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