You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
