Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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