Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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