Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
