...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
