AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
