i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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