I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
