i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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