Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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