where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
