Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
