I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
