They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize