he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
