i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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