We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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