Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
