I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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