he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
