So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
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