So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
