Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize