What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
