i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
