And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
