Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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