i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
