we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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