I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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