There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
