You're my little dorito
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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