im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm always down for nudity.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
