You smell like stripper and shame
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
