Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
