fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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